THE NATURE OF SELF-PRESENTATION

THE NATURE OF SELF-PRESENTATION When we prepare for a date, particularly a first date, we strive to “put our best foot forward.” We brush our hair and teeth, choose flattering clothes, and try to arrive on time. We steer the conversation toward our strengths (e.g., our music knowledge) and try to avoid mention of weaknesses (e.g., our failed past relationships). As this example suggests, self-presentation generally entails the strategic “editing” of information. Because people have multiple selves—for instance, I am a husband, a father, a professor, a musician, a sports fan—self-presentation usually takes the form of displaying those selves most appropriate to immediate goals and then, perhaps, exaggerating them a bit. The adventures of Fred Demara aside, self-presentation rarely consists of blatant fabrications of information. Few of us, after all, falsely claim to be rock ’n’ roll stars or secret agents. Despite our best efforts, self-presentation sometimes fails. Even Demara couldn’t get everyone to like him. Sometimes we are unable to create the desired image. Other times, we accidentally acquire undesired reputations, as when a young suitor trying to impress his date with his sophistication spills his wine glass at a fine restaurant, staining himself as a klutz. When much is riding on a particular impression, selfpresentational failures can carry heavy costs, especially for people who are publicly self-conscious or high in self-monitoring. Some costs are tangible, such as lost em- FIGURE 4.1 How important is self-presentation to you? Some people are especially interested in managing their public images. The items below are from Mark Snyder’s (1974) Self-Monitoring Scale. These selected items assess other-directed self-presentation, the extent to which people alter their behavior to influence how others view them (Briggs, Cheek, & Buss, 1980; Gangestad & Snyder, 1985). If you tend to agree with statements 1 through 4 and disagree with statements 5 and 6, you are likely a high self-monitor. Source: Snyder and Gangestad (1986). RESTRICTIONS GHT RESTRICTIONS MATERIAL OM PYRIGHT RESTRICTIONS MATERIAL OMITTED DUE TO GHT RESTRICTIONS MATERIAL OMITTED DUE TO COPYRIGHT R ONS MATERIAL OMITTED DUE TO COPYRIGHT RESTRICTIONS RIAL OMITTED DUE TO COPYRIGHT RESTRICTIONS D DUE TO COPYRIGHT RESTRICT YRIGHT REST Death of an admiral. U.S. Admiral Jeremy “Mike” Boorda had always stressed the importance of honor and integrity. Imagine his state of mind, then, when the highly admired admiral was accused of improperly wearing two combat medals. Boorda committed suicide, his death shocking the nation. Later findings indicated that he had worn the medals appropriately. But even if he believed he had worn undeserved medals, why didn’t he simply resign, as most others would have done? His suicide note to those under his command was revealing: “I couldn’t bear to bring dishonor to you.” By staining his reputation, the accusations would have stained the Navy’s as well. To Boorda, suicide was the only way to maintain his honor. CCONTTEENTTSS IINDEEXX HEELLPP What Is Self-Presentation? 121 ployment or dating opportunities. Other costs are psychological. For example, presentational failures threaten self-concept and self-esteem and can also be embarrassing (e.g., Miller, 1995). The fear of self-presentational failure has been labeled social anxiety. Social anxiety is quite common, for example, when we are on a first date or have to speak in front of a large group (Leary & Kowalski, 1995; Schlenker & Leary, 1982b). Although some amount of social anxiety is probably useful, too much may lead people to avoid social situations entirely, to withdraw from them once there, or to inhibit their behavior if escape isn’t possible (e.g., DePaulo, Epstein, & LeMay, 1990; Reno & Kenney, 1992). Thirty to 40 percent of Americans label themselves as shy—they experience social anxiety on a regular basis (Cheek & Briggs, 1990; Zimbardo, 1977)— and approximately 2 percent of the U.S. population experiences social anxiety severely enough to be classified as socially phobic (Pollard & Henderson, 1988). When people worry that simply putting their best foot forward might not be enough to achieve their goals, they may be tempted to manufacture false presentations. Demara was a master of this, going well beyond what most of us would dare even imagine. Nonetheless, most of us have at some point presented ourselves in ways that could be considered “false advertising”—perhaps “forgetting” to tell your mom and dad of a failing grade on an exam or pretending to be interested in a boss’s vacation photos. Such deceptions may even be well-intentioned, as when we feign excitement over a hideous birthday gift so as not to hurt the feelings of the person giving it. Indeed, people lie to others with some frequency, and many of these lies are told for the liar’s own benefit (DePaulo, Kashy, Kirkendol, Wyer, & Epstein, 1996). Being untruthful carries with it the risk of perhaps the most devastating of unintended impressions, also called secondary impressions (Leary, 1995; Schneider, 1981). When one is caught “presenting” instead of just “being,” people typically mark the presenter as dishonest, insincere, hypocritical, or immoral. The costs of a reputation soiled in this way are great, as people labeled as untrustworthy are avoided and isolated by others. Understanding this, Demara was horrified by the prospect of being viewed as a fraud. Indeed, despite his fiancée’s desire to marry him after discovering his true identity, and despite his consuming love for her, Demara fled from her in shame. Her protestations to the contrary, Demara believed her view of him had been forever sullied. Demara’s extreme reaction sharply illustrates the importance people place on having a reputation for honesty. People will go to great lengths to present themselves as honest, and to disguise their dishonest acts. As a result, we sometimes go to equally great lengths to see if others are presenting themselves truthfully. Unfortunately, we are not very good at detecting lies.