Role of Early Family Life

Adler looked inside the family for the most powerful influences on a child’s
developing style of life. Parents who treat a child harshly (through physical,
verbal, or sexual abuse) would certainly foster feelings of inferiority in that
child. Similarly, parents who neglect or abandon their children contribute
to the problem. (Adler believed that such children, instead of directing
their rage outward against such parents, turn it inward and say, “There must
be something wrong with me, or they would not treat me this way.”) Surprisingly,
Adler also believed that those parents who pamper their children frustrate
the development of positive self-esteem, for such youngsters conclude
that they must be very weak and ineffectual in order to require such constant
protection and service. When such pampered children go out into the
larger world and are not the recipients of constant attention and favors,
their previous training has not prepared them for this; they rapidly develop
inferior feelings.
The impact of the family on the formulation of one’s style of life also includes
the influence of siblings. Adler was the first to note that a child’s birth
order contributes to personality. Oldest children tend to be more serious
and success-oriented, because they spend more time with their parents and
identify more closely with them. When the younger children come along,
the oldest child naturally falls into a leadership role. Youngest children are
more likely to have greater social skills and be creative and rebellious. Regardless
of birth order, intense sibling rivalries and comparisons can easily
damage the esteem of children.